


Chase After Me

by eviejean (beccajane181)



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Regency, F/M, Regency Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28708518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beccajane181/pseuds/eviejean
Summary: Our story picks up on the night of the Sanditon Ball and goes from there! Alternate story line in which Sidney always chases after his darling Miss Heywood.The couple is torn apart by Tom's mismanagement of literally everything he touches and must find their way back to each other.Buckle up friends, this might get sad but it will end well I promise!
Comments: 212
Kudos: 366





	1. Chapter One.

Sidney Parker strode into the ballroom at Sanditon the very portrait of gentility. His perfectly knotted cravat and figure forming breeches accentuated his best features. He bowed to the ladies and shook hand with his fellow gentlemen as he was taught. His handsome, stoic face betrayed none of the sensations Mr. Parker was truly experiencing. 

Deep in his belly he felt all a tangle. Countless dark coils of anxiety, fervor, aggravation and dread. His only savior from a trip outside to purge his nervous stomach was a single bright thread of affection. Affection? He mulled over the word silently. 

He did not dare call it love. The last time these feelings replicated in his core was nearly ten years in his past. Now older, wiser, and more hardened to the painful realities he’d faced, the man often found himself comparing the only two women to ever quell his cautious heart. 

One was elegant, sophisticated, and indeed, rich. That was a much more attractive quality in his younger days. His shameful habit required funding. Sidney had loved her though. Quite madly. Foolishly. 

The other woman, however. There. There she was. It was as if his yearning heart willed her to emerge before him. At last, there she was and she was perfect. 

Miss Charlotte Heywood wrung her gloved hands together as she scanned the room for a specific face. One that she’d begun dreaming about. One that she’d pray to see around every corner. Somehow, she both hoped and dreaded looking into those perfect brown eyes that seemed to scrutinize her every thought. 

Her mind raced back to the cliffside where she stood just that afternoon. Or did she? Was that real? Was that some sort of fantasy her deepest desires had manifested? Would she pinch herself and find her body transported back to the farm? After several expedited breaths she finally locked eyes with her target. Her Mr. Sidney Parker. His dark eyes sparkled as he broke into a full-face smile. She weakened at the true fondness radiating in his face, reserved only for her. Maybe it wasn’t a dream after all. 

To her everlasting dismay, Tom intercepted Sidney on his way to claim her hand. Charlotte responded with a sympathetic smile and happily accepted a dance with Mr. Stringer instead. When she first arrived in Sanditon the young James Stringer caught her eye. He was kind, driven, and quite talented in his field. Even Mary had commented on what a good match they would be. Alas, Charlotte could not bring herself to drum up any serious feelings for him. The fondness she felt for her friend held no comparison to the emotions overwhelming her for the gorgeous, brooding man waiting for her just off the dance floor. 

She even felt mildly annoyed when the dance ended and she was interrupted yet again by the youngest Mr. Parker. 

“Come now Miss Heywood! Our lovely Miss Lambe is quite worn out from our last trot around the room so you must stand up with me!” Arthur Parker was quite the opposite from his brother Sidney. He was rarely seen without a large, sincere smile on his joyous countenance. His laugh was infectious and Charlotte was powerless. 

She laughed and conceded, “So I shall Mr. Parker!” 

In the blur of satin, lace, and being spun from one partner to the next, Charlotte lost sight of Sidney. Oh my. Had he already grown tired of her? Had she kept him waiting too long? As she concluded the dance with a bow, a shadow in the balcony overhead caught her eye. She now understood. Thanking her partner for the dance and rejecting another request she slipped away from the crowd. 

She clandestinely climbed the stairs was swept into a pair of waiting arms. Pressed to a firm chest she was overcome by the delicious, familiar scent. He smelled simultaneously of tobacco and shave soap and salt water. She felt as though she could drown in him and be perfectly content. 

“My dearest Charlotte,” He murmured into her hair, “I was beginning to fear I’d never get you alone tonight.” He moved his eager mouth to hers but was halted by a hand on his chest.” 

“Sir we must not. No here. Someone might see us.” 

He took a step back and reddened, “Of course you are right. Forgive me I quite forgot myself. You look absolutely stunning tonight.” 

Charlotte laughed and scrunched up her nose, “Do you think so? I sometimes feel a bit silly for getting all dressed up like this when you have already seen what I normally look like. I think my hair is about to fall out of place after just one dance with your brother!” 

They shared a chuckle and Charlotte attempted to remove her glove but Sidney captured her hand between his, “Let me.” Never losing eye contact he loosened each finger of her glove and slid the garment off. He caressed her hand and pressed each fingertip gently between his lips. Charlotte stood in awe at the intimacy of the moment. Her round cheeks went a girlish bright red and a warm sensation grew in her stomach, spreading through her body and down toward her thighs. When he released her hand, she shook herself and re-pinned stray curls that had fallen haphazardly to her shoulders. Mr. Parker was entranced, consumed watching the simple act. 

He wondered what it would be like to share this moment with her in private. Perhaps on a slow, Sunday morning, watching her ready herself for church from their bed? He’d remark on how he wished they could lie in bed and ignore the duties of the day. He longed to taste her pale, creamy skin but cleared his throat instead, “You do not look silly in the slightest! I must admit I am partial to how you looked this afternoon. Curls free, wild and beautiful.” 

This time it was Charlotte who closed the distance and laid her hand on his cheek, “That was not a dream after all?” 

Sidney kissed her palm and grinned, “No my darling that was not a dream. And if it was, I should hope to never wake from it.” 

A single moment passed and they were snapped back into reality by repeated shouts of, “FIRE!” 

The apartment building was infected with flames. Sanditon’s main street was embroiled in chaos. Women stood idly by pointing and shrieking while the working men rushed to bring the cart and hose round, pumping out water. 

James Stringer ran upon the site screaming to his friends, “My father! My father have you seen him?” 

Sidney caught his arm, “What about your father?” 

“He was in the building working, I called on him on the way to ball, please has no one seem him!?” Mortification spread across his face as no one answered his question. Mr. Stringer shoved Sidney, releasing himself from his grasp and ran head first into the flaming structure. Sidney recovered to his feet in time to see the familiar tail of a dress disappear through the doorway. He let out an unnatural scream and leapt into action. He soaked his discarded jacket in a bucket of water, shielded his mouth and nose with it and joined the pair among the flames. He was instantly blinded and disoriented by the heat and light he’d immersed himself in. He stumbled from room to room for what felt like years until he tripped over a small pair of high heeled shoes. 

Sidney dropped to his knees and tried to examine the body. Charlotte was lying on her side, unconscious but breathing. Her petite frame was pinned to the ground by a beam that had fallen from its rightful place in the rafters. He screamed, exerting every ounce of strength he had but the beam did not budge when he tried to lift it. His next attempt proved successful as Mr. Stringer was now by his side helping to bear the load. She was free. 

Sidney carried her through the burning rooms carefully cradling her head to his shoulder. Her erratic breath on his neck gave him cause to keep pressing forward. Cheers rose from the men as he barreled into the street, holding his treasure. They quieted to a somber silence as James Stringer emerged carrying the charred body of his father.


	2. Chapter Two.

Sidney exploded into Charlotte’s room at Trafalgar House trying his best to gently lay her down on her bed. Her soot covered face dwarfed the hand that cradled it as he called her name and immediately noticed her left shoulder uncharacteristically slouched out of place. His stomach churned, still getting no response from Charlotte. 

Mary and Arthur appeared in the room seconds later, neither surprised at the obvious affection their brother showed their few friend. 

Ever the voice of reason, Mary laid a hand on Sidney’s arm and pulled him away, “Sidney you need to leave right now before anyone knows you’re here. Come, please, I will take care of her.” 

He wheeled round and yelled, “I just pulled her from a burning building! Who the bloody hell cares that I’m in her room?!” 

Mary defiantly stood her ground and responded right to his face, “What Miss Heywood needs right now is a doctor, not whisperings around town about her reputation. I would suggest you attempt to get a hold of yourself for both your sakes. Now go.” 

Knowing her to be right he cursed under his breath and tore himself from the bedside and in pursuit of Dr. Fuchs. Sidney paced the hallway for what seemed like an eternity until the Dr finally emerged. “Well?” 

“Quiet yourself Herr Parker. She has dislocated her shoulder and inhaled some smoke but excepting that, the fraulein will be fine.” A hand on his chest halted the forward progress into her room, “Nein you must leave her alone to rest. After all, it is your turn to be examined.” The doctor motioned to Sidney’s blistered, blackened hands and he acquiesced. He sat fitfully before the doctor, allowing him to apply a salve on the burns and wrap the more severely damaged palm. His knee unconsciously bounced up and down, anxiety controlling his movements. 

Dr. Fuchs took notice and grinned, “You care for Miss Heywood a great deal?” 

“She’s had a traumatic evening; how could I not care how she’s feeling?” Sidney spoke almost defensively. 

“You have experienced a trauma too Herr Parker. You must tend to your own wounds if you are to assist healing hers.” 

Sidney attempted to follow the doctor’s orders but could only manage a piece of dry bread at dinner and shortly after, resumed his post outside Charlotte’s door. Anxiety overtook his body. The doctor and Mary both told him she was well but that was not enough. He needed to see her himself, hear her voice, feel her touch on his skin, even if it were just for a moment. His eyelids betrayed him, falling into an intermittent sleep. A quarter till 2am a series of coughs woke him up. Charlotte’s hoarse voice admitted him entry upon his light knock at the door. 

Her dark eyes were wide as she tried to sit up and cover herself simultaneously. “Mr. Parker! Excuse me, I didn’t- I thought you were Mary.” 

“No, she’s asleep. I was- I heard you coughing. Do you need anything Miss Heywood?” He inquired shyly from her doorway. She motioned to the pitcher of water on the other side of the room, “Of course!” He fulfilled her request and with permission, brought a chair to her bedside. 

“Did Mr. Stringer’s father...?” Sidney shook his head sadly, “I’m so sorry for him.” After several moments of comfortable silence she inquired, “What will Tom do now? Rebuild?” 

He ran a hand over his tired face, “Tom, the fool that he is, did not insure the building. He has no money to rebuild and moreover he is £80,000 indebted to various investors.” 

Charlotte gasped, “What is to be done?” 

“I will be going back to London. I must do all I can to help clean up this mess.” He noticed her eyes fall, “But I will not be going anywhere till you are back on your feet. I will remain vigil at your door every night until then.” 

She chuckled and intertwined her fingers with his. Sidney was grateful for the contact. “I assure you I am quite alright! Dr. Fuchs said I must wear the arm sling for two weeks then do no heavy lifting for some time. If you must leave to help Tom, I will be here waiting for you to come back. I have no other pressing engagements.” 

Sidney pressed her knuckles to his lips and smiled sadly, “I will make preparations then. Will you promise me something while I’m away?” Charlotte raised her eyebrows in question. “You must not run into anymore fiery buildings.” 

She wrinkled her nose, “I’m sorry if I scared you sir.” 

“You did not scare me. I’ve never been more petrified in my life. I cannot bear the thought of losing someone so dear having just discovered them.” He kissed her palm again and took his leave. Before he could close the door, Charlotte called to him. 

“Please do not sleep in the hall. I hate the thought of you out on the cold floor. You must rest too.” 

Sidney smiled warmly and compromised, “I shall be in the drawing room should you need me.” 

Daybreak found Sidney shedding his clothing and plunging head first into the angry ocean waves. The cold was the only sufficient reprieve to his crowded mind and hot skin. He stood still in neck deep water allowing himself to hover in a near meditative state until shivers ran through his muscles. Chilled to the bone, he donned a fresh suit and returned to his brother’s home. He was intercepted by a maid and summoned into Tom’s office. 

“Tom?” Sidney didn’t bother hiding his annoyance. 

“Sidney! Yes! Wonderful that you’re here! Are you still planning on going to London? I have a truly marvelous idea to bring in more guests! We-” 

“You cannot be serious.” Sidney stopped his brother’s rambling. “You are £80,000 in debt. You have two obliterated apartment buildings. You do not have any ‘marvelous ideas’ you have a life ruining problem that needs solving or it will not matter if the Queen herself comes to Sanditon.” 

“Quite right!” Tom raised his chin obstinately, “You will be able to find some help in London I am confident of it. All the better you will be out of town. It will lessen any opportunities for you eh... cause a scene.” 

Sidney’s hand formed a fist; he barely kept himself from yelling, “What the devil is that supposed to mean?” 

Tom almost shut his stupid mouth but decided against it, “Well you must know you caused quite a stir with your behavior after the ball last night. I must protect Sanditon from any harmful gossip about our conduct here.” 

Sidney was struck dumb for several moments but found it in his soul to shout, “My behavior? My behavior was pulling a woman from a burning, fucking, building!” Tom stiffened, “Forgive me Tom, but I think three dead bodies would be far more harmful to your precious reputation than your own brother saving two!” 

“All the same I do think we would not be in this situation if you were more willing to help me.” Sidney scoffed in disbelief, “You would not be hard pressed to find the funds had you just seized the opportunity and married-” 

“Had I prostituted myself? Is that what you were going to say dear brother? I will be leaving for London in the morning. I suggest you not so much as look at me before then. God knows if you do, I might just stay and leave you to clean up this mess yourself. I do believe I’d be justified in doing so.” 

Still enraged, Sidney searched Trafalgar house for his sister-in-law to get an update on Charlotte’s health. Unable to do so, he thought of passing by her room himself. Heading that direction, he soon heard a cacophony of happy voices and young children laughing. 

Charlotte’s door was wide open and the curtains pulled back. It appeared her room had been taken over by his nieces and nephew. There were pillows, blankets, toys and games strewn about the floor. Artwork already adorned her fireplace and near the bed Charlotte, Mary, and Diana were engaged in a card game. Young Henry quickly spotted his uncle and held him at sword point at the door. 

“No one is allowed in the fort; not even you Uncle Sidney!” 

The man raised his hands in mock surrender. Charlotte laughed merrily, “At ease, Sir Henry! That one is alright.” He smiled largely but remained in the doorway, wanting to maintain a respectful distance in front of his sisters. 

“Please, I don’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to check on the patient.” 

“Oh, she’s feeling much better this morning!” Diana chirped. “Dr. Fuchs has already called and said she is quite on the mend!” Charlotte nodded in affirmation. 

Relieved, Sidney began to leave when an army of small hands pulled him into the room, “Uncle Sidney you must stay and play with us!” 

Charlotte quickly agreed, “Yes please do stay if you’d like! I know the children want to spend time with you before you must leave again.” Sidney smiled gratefully, unbuttoned his vest, and collapsed to the floor with the children. Happy screams rose out from them as they leapt onto his back. Charlotte didn’t realize how much she ached to be in his company. Simply having his over six-foot frame laid out on the carpet felt comforting to her. 

There they stayed for the remainder of the afternoon. Arthur wandered in with a large plate of sandwiches and a pitcher of lemonade so they all picnicked together for lunch. All the while, Sidney kept a hawk like eye on Charlotte. Always ready with a glass of water or a pack of ice for her injured shoulder. 

Near dinner time, Mary caught Charlotte stifling a yawn and announced, “Now, now everyone out! Charlotte must rest!” Sidney was immediately shooed out of the room with the children and was unable to say goodbye. Although sad at the lack of his company, she drifted into a happy sleep. 

Unfortunately, her body revolted and woke up near 11:00pm and could not persuade it to go back to sleep. She ate from the dinner tray left by her bedside and sat up to read. The bedside clock ticked toward midnight and she heard heavy footsteps approach her door then stop. A tan slip of paper adorned with Sidney’s penmanship appeared from under the door. 

“You can come in.” She called softly, hoping he’d hear her. Her large, handsome suitor slipped into her room and nervously approached her bed. 

“I wasn’t sure if you were asleep.” 

“Sadly, I found that sleeping all evening means I am awake all night. What does your note say, sir?” 

Sidney was surprised to see Charlotte scoot over to make room for him on her bed. After spending the day just out of reach, she wanted him close at last. He took his place facing her, careful not to crush her beautiful legs that perched atop the bedspread. “I’m sorry to say that I am going to London in the morning. I thought it best. The faster I go the sooner I can come back. To help my family but also get back to you.” His thumb rubbed circles on her palm and looked boldly into her eyes. “There is a conversation I would very much like to have with you when I return.” 

Charlotte chewed her bottom lip and blushed, “I hope I’ll be able to take another cliff side walk with you when you return Mr. Parker.” 

“I would like that very much.” He grinned knowingly. He stood to leave but she held firm to his hand and pulled him back down. 

“Mr. Parker,” She blurted out, “I don’t know how to say this or ask- Or even if you... I think... I-” Unable to verbally form her request, Charlotte leaned forward and caught his lips between her own. Delighted, Sidney tangled one hand in her curls and one held her slender waist. He kissed her with such passion she lost all air from her lungs and sense from her head. “Sidney...” She moaned against his mouth. Hearing her utter his Christian name for the first time shot fireworks through his body. 

Invigorated, he ran his lips down her jawline and gently nipped at her neck. Charlotte breathed heavy and arched her back, enjoying each new sensation. His tongue continued to explore the wonderfully soft skin of her neck, chest, and tops of her perfectly round breasts. Unable to hold back he ran a hand under her thin nightgown, grasping her thigh, grounding himself. 

Charlotte felt electrified. She’d always critiqued herself as having too large thighs but feeling how well she filled his large hands made her chest swell with pride. Missing his lips, she guided them back to hers and allowed his tongue access to hers. He nearly growled into her mouth and slid his hand up until his fingertips barely touched her hot center. Her body jolting against his, broke Sidney from his impassioned state and back to reality. 

He dropped his forehead to her collarbone and panted, “My darling, if we continue like this, I fear I will not be able to stop myself.” 

Suddenly embarrassed, Charlotte dropped her eyes, “Mr. Parker. I am sorry.” 

He held her face and stroked her swollen lips with his thumb, “You must never apologize for being so perfect that I would happily lose myself to you. And if you’re comfortable with it I would love for you to call me by my name. I confess I have never felt such joy like hearing it from your own lips.” 

“I shall do my best, Sidney.” Her lips encircling his thumb nearly undid him a second time. He kissed her once more. 

“I will be back in a week. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far and thank you for all of your comments! I appreciate every single one!  
> A few notes... Tom is the worst and I have no qualms saying so.   
> Also this is about as steamy as I get so I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter Three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up friends.

Chapter Three 

Mary held onto Sidney’s arm, escorting him to the London coach. They chattered quietly about the children. Both unwilling to discuss the damning situation at hand. Mary knew the immense pressure her husband had placed on Sidney’s shoulders and didn’t wish to remind him of it. He kissed her cheek in fond farewell but she held his bicep, holding his gaze tightly. 

“You must not worry while you are gone dear brother. I will take care of her as if she is one of my own.” 

In that instant, Sidney felt utterly transparent. Panic set in as he stammered, “Mary please understand I-” 

“Now, now I will have none of that.” She held his hand, soothing him, “You must know she is as dear to me as you are so I have no objections. I only wish this mess to be settled so you may return to her and begin your lives together happily. Free of any stress or anxiety. You deserve happiness Sidney. In all the years I’ve know you I’ve never seen true happiness appear on your face as it does when Miss Heywood is nearby.” 

Sidney held back tears and thanked her. “Please do not tell Tom.” He begged. 

Mary scoffed, “Of course not! Unless her name were changed to ‘Sanditon’ I doubt he’d much care.” Sidney kissed both of her hands in gratitude and boarded his coach. 

A wave of relief swelled in his belly. He was happy to finally reveal a sliver of their secret love and was happy that his sister in law was his confidant. 

The relief quickly soured into despair as rejection haunted him in London. For three days all he heard was a symphony of “no’s”. 

“No, I am afraid we are unable to risk any more credit to your brother’s venture.” 

“Mr. Parker has made no effort to repay the several loans we have already extended to him.” 

“We simply cannot.” 

“Yes, we did hear all about the success of the regatta. Why then, did Mr. Parker not use any of the finds to clear debts with us or any other institution? It all seems grossly irresponsible and too mismanaged for my taste.” 

Spent of any more hope, Sidney found a table at the pub in an attempt to ease the stress of the day. It proved impossible. Every time he closed his eyes Charlotte’s lovely smile appeared before him. He willed himself to remember the softness of her lips and the way her lush thigh felt under his hand. How he missed her. He longed, more than anything, to be at her side. He already missed the way her lips formed his name. The sparkle in her eye when she laughed and the funny way her nose crinkled when she asked him a question. 

His head was pounding already, the drink wasn’t helping. A hand clamping hard on his shoulder didn’t help either. 

“Parker! I heard you were back in London!” 

“Hello Babington.” Sidney groaned. 

“I also heard you visit wasn’t going well. Let me get you another drink.” 

Sidney sipped it gratefully, “You are correct Babington; I’m afraid this trip is unsuccessful. No one wants to help my brother,” 

“Poor sod. Why isn’t he here asking the banks and investors for their assistance? He can’t seem to drag himself from the beach?” 

“Only God knows what’s going on between his ears. The man is £80,000 in debt and is still trying to drum up schemes to get guests to flock to Sanditon.” 

“My God man! I knew he was in hot water but I had no idea it was that bad. What are you going to do?” 

Sidney grimaced and finished his drink in one swallow, “Continue to grovel. What are you doing in London anyway Babington?” 

“Wedding preparations!” He replied cheerfully. 

“So soon!?” 

“It appears so! Esther is here too. It would appear she has some shopping to do. I just came from personally placing that despicable step- brother of hers on a ship to the America’s.” 

“I’m sure she’s relieved to never cross paths with him again.” 

“Indeed. We are getting married at the parish in Sanditon. She said she wanted a small ceremony. My bride has suffered enough. Whatever she wants, she gets.” 

“Why thank you my dear Lord Babington. I will take that into consideration when I order our wedding flowers.” 

“Ah! The future Lady Babington!” Sidney stood at the lady’s presence and pulled out a chair for her. The groom’s face lit up at seeing his love. Sidney felt a stroke of jealousy. He felt the distance between himself and Charlotte more profoundly than ever. Esther took her place between the men and accepted a kiss on the cheek from her future husband. 

“Well did you ask him to stand with you at the wedding Babington?” 

Sidney’s eyes grew wide, “He most certainly did not! But if the position is still open, I would be honored to accept!” Another round of drinks was served and Esther turned pointedly to Sidney. 

“So, when will you begin planning your own wedding to the Heywood girl?” 

He nearly spit out his whiskey, “I beg your pardon?” 

Esther chuckled and rolled her eyes, “I saw you at the cricket and the ball. It’s glaringly obvious Mr. Parker. You simply cannot keep your eyes off of her. Judging by the way she devours you with hers, I gather she returns your feelings. I assume I am correct?” 

“Is this true Sidney? How wonderful! How could you not confide in me sooner? I thought you detested the girl!” 

The man blushed deeply and rubbed his face, “I confess my feelings changed more quickly than I ever anticipated. And yes, she returns my feelings. I do feel like the luckiest of men. Unfortunately, none of this will matter if I can’t help Tom with Sanditon.” 

Ester scoffed, “Why should your brother’s terrible decisions affect you and Miss Heywood?” 

“Tom is my family. Moreover, he saved my life. I owe it to him to exhaust every option to help him.” 

Babington raised his glass, “I wish you luck my good man. What is your plan moving forward?” 

The trio was interrupted by another beautiful woman approaching the table. 

Sidney grimaced, “Mrs. Campion. Hello.” 

In the seven days Sidney was in London, Charlotte healed wonderfully. Dr. Fuchs praised her strong constitution and rewarded her with the removal of the sling. Her shoulder ached but she still did not complain. Mary was keeping watch over her like a hawk and surely would send her straight up to bed had she vocalized what she truly felt. Short walks around town were permitted, jaunts to the cliffs were unequivocally forbidden. Charlotte didn’t really mind though. It made her heart swell to know that she was cared for so deeply. The seventh day of their separation finally arrived and she could hardly contain herself. 

Would he sweep her into his arms and confess how much he missed her? Charlotte scolded herself for the silly thoughts. She knew Tom would dominate all of Sidney’s time when he did arrive. Tom would interrogate his brother, plan, replan, and still not make the right decision. She would be lucky to find a moment alone with him. Maybe a few whispers by the fireplace or the squeeze of his hand under the table at dinner? 

Charlotte feared she’d vomit from the anxious state of her stomach so she sat to pen a letter to her sister. 

Dear Alison, 

“He’s here, he’s here!” As the Parker family raced from the room to greet their returned hero, Charlotte slowly got to her feet. She held her stomach and took a breath. Something deep inside her, an instinct, made her feel that everything was about to change. 

As she rounded the corner into the drawing room she smiled widely. Tom’s face was lightened and words of praise and victory shot from his mouth. The family left the room as Tom commanded they seek out Lady Denham and share with her the good news. Leaving Sidney and Charlotte alone filled her heart with joy. 

Instantly she knew something was amiss. The person she most wished to see approached her and held her small hands in his own. His face was sad, almost dull. He did not smile. The small upturn in his lips was not the broad, cheerful smile he reserved for her. 

“What is it?” Something in her gut told her she should not have asked. She should have wrapped him in her arms and held tightly. 

“Charlotte,” Her heart jumped at hearing her name in his gravely tone, “My dear Charlotte. I had hoped that when I returned, I would be able to make you a proposal of marriage. To fall to my knees before you and tell you how thoroughly you’ve permeated my heart and made it your own.” He swallowed the lump in his throat and continued. Hating himself in every syllable he spoke, “But it cannot be.” 

Charlotte could hear her heart beating in her ears and stood frozen, wishing to wake up from the obvious nightmare she was currently living. 

“The fact is I’ve been obliged to engage myself to Mrs. Eliza Campion.” The tears forming in her perfectly dark brown eyes, nearly broke him. He hastily attempted to reconcile his terrible news. “Please believe me that if there was any other way to resolve Tom’s situation I would-” 

“I understand.” She could not bear to hear any more. She suddenly felt embarrassed. Staring at his lips, her memories of their intimacy flooded to the forefront. 

Sidney stood horrified watching her face contort in pain. He longed to hold her face and wipe away the tears staining her perfectly round cheeks. She choked out something about his happiness and excused herself. For the second time in his life, Sidney Parker watched the woman he loved walk away from him. The familiar cold ache set in his heart. He should leave her be. He should not confess his love to her again and again. Logic be damned, he cursed and pursued her up the stairs. He took them two at a time hearing her strangled sobs. 

Finally, in the safety of her room, Charlotte swung her door shut to privately mourn her broken heart. Sidney’s black boot appeared between the door and its destination refusing her the isolation she sought. He stood in the doorway not daring to move any closer. “Charlotte, please, you must believe me. I tried everything in my power.” 

“Mr. Parker,” She managed through the sobs. A new gash opened in his heart at the sudden wall of formality. Seeing him standing in her doorway fermented her sadness into anger. “I beg you. Leave me alone” 

“This is the last thing I wanted to do. I could not leave London without helping Tom. For three days I begged every banker and investor I could find to no avail. Mrs. Campion met me at a pub and I asked her to invest. She refused but propositioned me. That if I were to marry her, she’d save Sanditon. I spent three sleepless nights willing another solution to reveal itself but there is none. She will never have my heart. I lov-” 

“Don’t you dare!” Charlotte whirled around staring daggers upward. “How dare you say these things to me not moments after engaging yourself to another woman. At the regatta I asked you what it is you wanted from me; I know now your answer. You wanted to humiliate me. To use me. To seduce the simple farm girl who reads books and doesn’t know any better. And now you want to ruin me and pretend yourself the victim.” 

“That is not true!” Sidney raised his voice to match hers. “I had every intention of making you my wife before the summer was out and spending the rest of my life at your side. But I must protect my family from ruin.” 

“In time I may understand. But in this moment, all I comprehend is my own brokenness. Again, I must insist you leave me be. I cannot bear to look at you and know that after all we’ve done, I shall never truly call you my own.” 

Sidney was stunned. His broad shoulders shook, resting is forehead on the door shut in his face. A gentle nudge removed him from his place. 

“Mary-” He managed to choke out. 

“Not a word.” She snapped. “You are to go with Tom and Arthur to see Lady Denham. Now. Leave me to comfort Charlotte. There is nothing you can say to her that will right this.” Hearing Charlotte’s sobs as he retreated down the stairs threatened to tear him apart but he continued away from her. The chasm between them now set-in stone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> The heartbreak just hurts so good!   
> I promise it will get better!


	4. Chapter Four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for hanging in there with me! (Can you spot the subtle Jane Austen movie quote in this chapter?!)

Chapter Four 

Mary shut the door behind her and sighed sadly. She’d spent the better part of an hour in silence holding Charlotte’s hand. She had no desire to question the girl she simply wanted her to know she had an ally. Mary could not be sure if her brother-in-law had taken any liberties with Charlotte but she could guess that their connection was more than amorous. How could he do this to such a naïve young lady?! 

She walked to the drawing room to wait for her family and scolded herself. She should not have been so harsh to the man. She knew he was as heartbroken as Charlotte. He must have thought this was his only option in order to make such a devastating decision. Her true anger lay with a different party entirely. 

Tom strode back into the house humming a happy tune. “My beautiful Mrs. Parker! What an absolutely lovely day!!” His face beamed. 

“Where is Sidney?” 

“He went swimming. Rather glum look on his face for such a happy occasion!” 

Mary stood and squinted her eyes, “I must ask you something. Are you purposefully obtuse or is it merely a ruse so you must never do an honest day's work?” 

Tom was genuinely confused, “I do not know what you mean Mary. What on earth are you talking about?” 

“Must I really spell it out for you like a child?! Sidney is not in love with Mrs. Campion. He is giving up his future to help you out of the mess you have made.” 

Tom scoffed, “Mary don’t be ridiculous. You have to be mistaken. Mrs. Campion is rich, beautiful and he’s loved her for a decade. Eliza Campion IS Sidney’s future.” 

“If you took your head out of the sand for half a second you would know Sidney is in love with someone else. I will not tell you who, since you are obviously too self-absorbed to see it yourself. You are to listen to me and listen well for I shall not repeat myself. You will not be welcome back in this house until you have a plan to mend this situation. I don’t care if you work it out here or in London or anywhere else in England. You are not to let Sidney prostitute himself to a wealthy widow because you can’t count your shillings like a grown man.” 

“If no one will invest, what am I to do?” He feigned desperation. 

“Get a job in a shop.” Mary’s face showed no expression. 

“Get a job!?” Tom cried, deeply offended. “A gentleman-” 

Mary cut him off and pointed a finger to his face, “Don’t you dare lecture me on the conduct of a gentleman! A gentleman would never put his family in this position! You do know we have children, do you not? Three of them to be exact! If not for Sidney we would be in the poor house and you in jail. How dare you stand there and pretend you are any better than someone working for a living. I suggest you climb down from the pole you’ve impaled yourself on and get to work.” 

“I have not asked Sidney for any extravagant gesture.” Tom continued to argue, “If anything, he’s merely settling his end of the bargain. I paid his debts and gave him back his life. He should be thanking me!” It was only by the grace of God Mary did not slap him upside his reddening face. 

“HE HAS! How many times has Sidney helped you with this foolish venture? He has brought Lord Babington and that Crowe man and countless other investors to see the place. He has attending balls, met with bankers, he’s done everything you’ve asked and then some. You are finished hanging his mistakes over his head. He has sacrificed enough to the Sanditon alter. If you so much as mention it again in my presence I shall have to be restrained from beating you senseless. You have until the day he is wed to mend this. Until then, you are not welcome in this house.” 

The next morning Tom was boarding the coach to London. He did not dare gamble with the seriousness of his wife’s threats. 

Sidney Parker sat glumly in a pub, poring over a letter written in Mary’s hand. 

Sidney, 

You must allow me first to apologize, most profusely, at how I spoke to you last. You hurried off to London before I could speak with you so now, I shall beg your forgiveness on two scores. The first being how I scolded you that day. I should never have spoken to you as I did. You have done nothing wrong Sidney. Secondly, I am forever ashamed that you are in this terrible position because of us. I should have been more attentive and now allowed Tom to run wild in this venture. It is entirely our fault all this has happened. 

Now, I will ask one thing of you. Please do not marry Eliza Campion. There is no reason you should uproot your life because of the mismanagement of our own. I have sent Tom away to right this. I have made it clear that he is not to return without a resolution. Do not accept any money from her. I do not yet know how we will fix this but I will do everything in my power to give you your life back. 

All my love, 

Mary 

“Would you care to tell me what the hell is going on?” 

Sidney glared up at his oldest friend, “Ah, Babington, care to pour a drink and join me?” 

The sober of the two wrinkled his nose, “I think not. I dare say you’ve drunk enough for the both of us. I could smell it on you the moment I arrived.” Babington seated himself at the corner table in the pub next to Sidney. “My friend, I have heard a rumor. A quite salacious one at that.” 

“Indeed?” 

“I heard that you engaged yourself to Eliza Campion.” Sidney hissed and made no reply. “But I thought ‘that cannot be’! Parker told me just two weeks ago in this very pub that he set his cap at the Heywood girl and that she whole-heartedly returned his affection.” 

“Is there an inquiry coming Babers or do you wish to torture me by reciting my history?” 

“My inquiry remains: what in the fuck are you doing? Marrying Mrs. Campion? Surely, breaking Charlotte’s heart?” 

Sidney slammed a fist onto the table at the sound of her name, “I was protecting my family. I saved my brother from debtor’s prison. I, for once, am not gambling or pissing away an opportunity laid at my door. I am being selfless am I not? Isn’t that what a gentleman is supposed to do?” 

“At what cost Parker? You will not be happy.” 

“I would forego my own happiness ten times over so my nieces and nephew are spared from the poor house. They have done nothing wrong.” 

Babington sighed, disappointed for his friend, “I am sorry for your heart Sidney.” 

He smiled weakly, “That old thing. Fragmented across the sea. No gentlewoman deserves to be burdened with it.” 

“What of Miss Heywood’s heart?” 

Tears glistened in his eyes, “All the better for her. She is brilliant and kind and beautiful. A man better than me would be blessed to have her love. She will never see me again.” 

This time it was Babington who stuttered then shot back Sidney’s last whiskey in a swallow, “About that. For those reasons you just recited, Esther has asked Miss Heywood to stand with her at our wedding next week. 

Sidney dropped his head to the table and groaned, “You are fucking joking. You must be.” 

“’Fraid not! I shall not torment you with her presence but on the big day. Our wedding breakfast and of course, the ceremony.” 

“I will not dance.” 

“One dance with the maid of honor is customary.” 

“I despise you thoroughly.” 

“Indeed.” Babington stood to leave, his tone suddenly serious, “I feel for you my friend, I do. But hear me. If you are to stand with me on the day I wed you will be sober, clean, and deserving of the title. My bride deserves a flawless day and that I shall deliver. I would like you to be the one to help me in that endeavor.” 

The day of the wedding arrived more swiftly than Charlotte had anticipated. Esther mentioned Sidney’s name one time then commanded Charlotte put the villain out of her mind forever. “We have far too much to do than think about that sod.” 

Charlotte didn’t have the strength or desire to defend his actions. Two weeks estranged did not mend her weak heart. She still expected to see him around town. She found herself looking for his toned form swimming by the caves but he never once materialized. It was better that way. She knew she would not trust herself near him. She did not know how to express the need she was feeling inside. 

The evening before the wedding, Esther had insisted they share a few too many glasses of wine. Just to help them relax before her important day. Esther was quite calm. She knew what her future had in store. She’d be married to a kind gentleman who adored her to the heavens. She’d live a comfortable, if not extravagant, life with someone she’d most likely come to love. 

Charlotte made herself busy pinning lace and flowers, “Esther how can you say such things? You are to be married to Lord Babington but you freely admit you care nothing for him!” 

“Now that is unfair.” Esther tossed her loose red curls over a shoulder, “I admit I do like him.” She poured another glass for her young friend. “Drink another. You are two glasses behind dear.” 

Charlotte happily sipped the sweet red liquid. She wasn’t often fond of wine but this was more candy than alcohol, “I suppose that is a good place to start. But mustn't there be more than simple affection in a marriage? Trust, love... desire?” Her big brown eyes stared into her lap. 

“Charlotte Heywood!” Esther laughed evilly and sat up on her knees, “Are you asking me if I desire Lord Babington?” 

She reddened and stuttered, “I... I don’t mean to pry... I just-” 

Esther laughed still, “You are not prying! I dare say this is normal conversation the eve of one's wedding night.” 

“Are you nervous?” 

“Of course not. Now do not look at me like that. Not all of us are the perfectly innocent Miss Heywood.” 

“I am not- I mean... I haven’t... Only some...” 

“Finish your glass it will help loosen your tongue. Have you been as husband and wife with a man?” 

Charlotte obeyed and found her voice, “I suppose no, not technically. But there was one evening I thought it might happen.” 

“Was it with...?” Esther’s voice trailed off, not willing to say his name. 

“Yes, I’m afraid it was.” 

“If it will cause you pain, we will never speak of it again.” 

Charlotte thanked her for thoughtfulness but admitted, “I do have some questions? Even though I feel I may die of embarrassment.” 

“Don’t be silly. This is what friends are for. I surely will not judge you lest I be a raging hypocrite.” 

Charlotte described the night she shared with Sidney. She shyly recited how delicious his lips felt against hers. How his fingers had found their way under her nightgown. As she finished her tale Ester sighed, “He really was going to propose when he returned wasn’t he?” 

“I believe so. I do not feel angry at him anymore. I understand he needed to help Tom. I feel sadder for him.” 

“You have every right to be angry and heartbroken.” 

“I know that. I feel something else though. It’s a strange, wanting feeling. I miss his company but I miss his body too. It’s almost like there’s something unfinished.” 

Esther smiled sympathetically, “Yes I know what you mean. When two people are together in that way, those feelings of arousal build and build. I wager a guess that if Mr. Parker were to stay that night, he’d... relieve you of that feeling for a time.” 

“Have I been ruined?” Charlotte hung her head. 

Esther was entertaining none of her shame. She lifted Charlotte’s chin so their eyes met, “No woman is ever ruined. Society be damned. Any man who turns away a woman based on something like that is not worth your time. You must find someone kind, graceful, and loving who won’t give a fig about your past.” 

“Aye, I thought I had found such a man.” 

Several moments of quiet reflection were disrupted by Lady Denham’s sauntering into the room, “What are you ladies discussing over so much wine?” 

“Sex, aunt.” A giggle escaped from Charlotte’s mouth before she could clamp it shut. 

“Esther! Really!” Lady Denham was obviously exasperated, “It’s a wonder any man would have you with those manners.” The great lady paused before she left the room, “On your wedding night, be sure to satisfy yourself first. If you allow your husband to be satiated first, it will be a short night for the both of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally love this chapter. Everyone needs a good support system!


	5. Chapter Five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else needs some shameless Sidlotte flirting!?

The next morning Charlotte woke late, afflicted by a slight headache. She groaned and dressed herself quickly. She paused before the mirror and felt unimpressed. Her curls were more unruly than usual. Surely alcohol had no part to play in her hair’s unwillingness to lie flat. She tumbled downstairs a bit of a mess knowing there would be plenty of time to pin up her hair before the ceremony. She sputtered into the nearly empty drawing room and cursed lightly. Everyone was already being seated in the dining room. 

She was hoping to slip in unseen but was unsuccessful, “Ah the maid of honor has graced us with her presence.” Lady Denham droned on, “Do not stand there, take your seat.” 

“God must despise me,” Charlotte scolded herself. 

As fate dictated, the only empty seat was between Esther and Sidney Parker. She wanted to say he looked well but in truth he did not. He was clean and sober as instructed but his handsome face was dark. Charlotte slid into her seat, careful not to touch the large, familiar figure beside her. She quickly finished a glass of water and picked at the food on her plate. 

“Are you alright Miss Heywood?” Lord Babington inquired of her. 

“Oh yes!” She blushed deeply, “I’m afraid Miss Denham enticed me with one too many glasses of her sweet red wine last night.” 

Esther smiled proudly, “It was a night of revelations.” 

A chuckle went up from the table. Charlotte hoped the matter was put to bed. 

“And what, I beg to know, was revealed?” Babington pried. 

“Of course not.” 

Charlotte attempted to respond but only produced stutters. “It was nothing. Nothing of consequence.” 

The deep, rocky voice she’d missed so much spoke from beside her in a jesting tone, “Surely Esther revealed how many times you begged for her hand before she finally gave in! I gather it was a number in the hundreds? Miss Denham can you confirm this for the table?” 

“Thousands!” A roar of laughter went up and everyone’s attention was diverted from Charlotte. 

She looked to her side but Sidney’s eyes remained low on his plate. He knew she was deeply embarrassed by the questions. Her anger melted away act the simple caring act. Every time she tried to meet eyes with him, she was greeted by his profile and the mound of his jaw clenched. He was stiff as a board. She hated to see him so. 

She lowered her voice for their privacy and said, “Good morning Mr. Parker. I apologize if I was rude by not greeting you earlier.” 

He finally met her eyes, “You must never apologize to me Miss Heywood. Good morning, I trust you are well.” He attempted a smile but it looked more a grimace. 

“I have been busy.” Avoiding the true response, “Esther is a demanding but fair bride. I have enjoyed every second of the preparations for today.” 

“Ever the diligent work-horse Miss Heywood. She is lucky to have her at your side.” After a few more moments of silence, Sidney chuckled to himself. 

“What?” Charlotte wondered. 

“Just a memory. I remember the first time we sat at this table together. I believe you used the words ‘tongue-lashing’ and ‘civil’.” 

Charlotte’s stomach leapt seeing the light briefly return to his soft, beautiful eyes. She chased that feeling nearly giggling, “I believe I should congratulate myself then. You’ve become a great deal more civil since that day.” 

“I wonder if that has come from my devotion as a pupil or the benefits of a great teacher?” He could not hold back his teasing words. 

She pretended to seriously mull over the question, “If I were to take all the credit for myself, I should think myself a great fool. I should have collected payment for all the hard work I put in! Who do you think would benefit from my tutelage next?” 

The pair looked around the table, their hearts briefly healing in the shared joke, “Who says I am ready to graduate?” Her eyes locked onto his but cast downward in momentary sadness. They would never be like this again. She went back to her food and shared a few whispers with Esther. 

“No, I do not need to move seats. I will be fine.” 

His quiet voice regarded her again, “Miss Heywood, you must forgive me. There is no reason I should know this but your shoes are on the wrong feet.” 

Her face went bright red. “You are not serious.” 

He stifled a laugh, “How many bottles of sweet wine did you consume last night?” 

“More than I care to admit.” Charlotte did her best to inconspicuously slip out of her shoes and right them. She was almost successful but accidentally kicked her right slipper farther down the table. She was exasperated and could not help but laugh, “As if this morning could not possibly get any worse, I must beg you, Mr. Parker, to please retrieve my shoe from under your chair.” 

Sidney could not contain his composure. He let out a laugh that went unnoticed to the rest of the diners, “It would be my honor.” All at once Charlotte was flooded with his scent. He leaned toward her to reach under his chair. She could have moved an inch and buried her nose in the boquet of his curls. The moment was over as soon as it had begun and her shoe was properly homed. 

Their first foray back to friendship was cut short, “And you Mr. Parker! How are your wedding preparations?” Lady Denham inquired. 

Sidney cursed the woman under his breath, “Extensive.” 

“Where is your fiancé?” 

Charlotte watched his fist clench tightly, his knuckles white as he replied. “London ma’am. She will arrive for the ceremony.” Sidney was sure he was hallucinating seeing Miss Heywood’s delicate fingers hover over his own then retreat. He wished she would take his hand. He settled for a kind smile and hearing her laugh. Breakfast was soon concluded with a toast to the bride and groom. Over the clink of their glasses, Sidney murmured to Charlotte, “To memories, Miss Heywood.” 

A few hours later, Charlotte looked like a new person. She had changed into a clean, dusty rose gown and had her curls pinned back close to her head. She obliged Esther and wore a bit of rouge and lipstick though she doubted she’d need any. She felt like she was in a permanent state of embarrassment all day. 

She stood outside the chapel with Sidney waiting for Esther to arrive. The pair had been tasked to walk ahead and make sure the flower petals were all arranged outside for the guests to toss up upon their exit from the chapel. Charlotte was nervously fussing with her hair and dress, trying to distract herself from how gorgeous Sidney looked. Everything about him was perfect. The blue coat he wore was her favorite color on him. A tiny morsel of regret pinged her heart. She wished she had told him that. 

“I’m relieved to see your shoes ended up on the right feet Miss Heywood.” 

She rolled her eyes and hinted at a smile, “Yes I suppose that is the only aspect of me that doesn’t look completely ridiculous.” Sidney knew she hated wearing her hair pinned back. He wished he could slide behind her and take out each pin one by one. Let each perfect curl fall down to her shoulders. 

“Were it not strictly forbidden by the bride, I’d tell you that you outshine every woman here.” Her heart stopped for a moment, regaining its footing by Esther’s arrival. 

As commanded, Charlotte took Sidney’s arm and was escorted down the aisle to herald Esther’s coming. Her eyes caught the fashionable woman in the beige bonnet. She instantly felt hot. Eliza Campion flashed her an evil look and self-consciousness flooded Charlotte body. 

“My God does she know? Would Sidney tell her what we did?” 

If one had asked Mr. Sidney Parker to recite one line of the wedding ceremony, he surely would have failed that lesson. His mind was simultaneously a million miles away and just across the aisle. His eyes met and departed from Charlotte’s countless times as they stood by their friends. He kept his countenance firm, not letting his face betray his heart to the church sitting behind him. Especially his fiancé. He knew he’d have to stay at her side at all times tonight. Not only to keep up appearances but to keep her away from Charlotte. He would not torture his truest love for anything. 

The bride and groom kissed and it was finally over. Almost. Charlotte was kept constantly occupied during the wedding feast. She chatted with guests, herded children from the dessert table, and frequently checked in with Esther. Everything was proceeding perfectly. The band tuned their instruments and the moment she’d most dreaded arrived. It was a truly ridiculous custom that the groom’s man and maid of honor dance the first of the night together but Esther insisted. Not to do so would arouse suspicion. 

All of a sudden Sindey was approaching her, offering his hand, “Must we?” She pleaded with him. 

“I’m afraid so. If we do not, Esther will have my head.” 

They took their place in the center of the room with the other couples and bowed. It was slow dance. The very same one they danced to in London that night she confessed her feelings to Lady Susan. 

The pair circled each other, stepping towards and away without touching till their palms met and that feeling returned. The growing want deep in her stomach that only he could quench. She placed her bare hand in his, beginning the waltz portion of the dance. She clung to his broad shoulder, wishing she could play with the wispy curls gracing the back of his neck. 

They parted holding each other's hands and he stepped back. He kept his hands close to his vest pulling her even closer to him. She could feel the silken material of his clothing against her knuckles. Their arms arched above their heads, bringing them a breath away. Sidney could see the tears welling in her eyes. 

“Please don’t cry Char-” He could not finish her name, “As brutal as this day has been it has been worth it to see you smile again. I know we shall never be friends, but it was nice to not be enemies.” 

She blinked away the tears continuing the dance, “May I ask you something Sidney?” Using his Christian name ensured he knew how serious she was. 

“Anything.” 

As the waltz returned, she asked, “Have you told anyone about that night? About what we-” 

“Never.” He pulled back to meet her eyes, “The time I spent with you is hidden safe in my heart. To be frank they are the best and worst memories I hold. You needn’t worry.” 

“Forgive me I-” 

He smiled and gently cut her off, “I thought we’d agreed Miss Heywood. No more apologies.” They broke apart and bowed to each other, their wedding duties now concluded. Sidney led her off the floor and could not help but blurt out, “Allow me to confess something to you?” She nodded, “There is not a thing on this earth I miss more than your company.” Charlotte was stunned but allowed him to continue, hanging on to every word. “Every conversation, every joke, every author you quote, every smile you’ve graced me with. I miss it all.” 

His jaw clenched tight at the sound of his fiancé calling his name. They saw her crossing the far side of the dance floor and Charlotte knew it was time. 

“I’m leaving tomorrow. I am going back to Willingden.” 

“You’re leaving?” He struggled to comprehend. 

“Sanditon is no longer a welcome place for me, I’m afraid. You will be visiting with your... Mrs. Campion and I would not do you the harm of being present.” 

Sidney struggled to form words, “I... I don’t.” 

“It’s alright.” She murmured. A tear fell loose to her cheek, “I miss you too.” 

Sidney was again ripped from the moment to see his fiancé at his side. When he faced forward again, Charlotte was gone. He spied the back of her gown retreating from the hall, into the main foyer. This time he could not chase after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! I needed some Sidlotte flirting in my life tonight!


	6. Chapter Six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry....

Mary sat in Charlotte’s room watching her pack away all of her things. It was late and Charlotte would be leaving in the morning. She felt as though she were caught. She had grown so fond of Charlotte and wanted her to stay and continue to be part of their family. But she also loved her brother-in-law. She could not encourage Charlotte to stay when she knew doing so would cause pain on both sides. 

“Have you heard from Tom?” Charlotte asked, desperate to push the memories of Sidney in her room out of her mind. 

“I’ve gotten several letters. One arrived yesterday. Apparently, my husband is quite the salesmen when he needs to be. I suppose as long as they don’t allow him within ten feet of a ledger, he’s a success.” 

“He really went and got a job then?” She was stunned. 

“Two!” 

“You must be very proud of him. It is very unlike Tom to set aside his pride in such a way.” 

“I don’t know if I believe it yet. He has told me before that he’s working hard and will right the ship, just for me to learn that he’s spent more money and resolved nothing.” 

Charlotte grimaced, “I hope for your entire family’s sake he’s able to right this ship. Is that selfish of me? To hope for the breaking of an engagement? Did Sidney ever respond to your letter?” 

“I pray for it daily. Sidney will not speak of breaking the engagement no matter what Tom does. Finding £80,000 is no small feat. It would take Tom years to pay that back and we do not have years. He believes it is his duty, his resolve is mighty.” Mary stood and held Charlotte in a hug, “By some miracle, I hope one day to call you my sister.” 

Charlotte Heywood took her leave of Sanditon the next morning. Esther did not rise early enough to send her off and Charlotte did not expect her to do so. It was a quiet, tear-filled ordeal bidding farewell to Mary and the children. The children begged her to return soon but she knew that could not be. This cursed, beautiful town would haunt her the rest of her life. 

She had not lied to Mary when she said it had been her greatest adventure. In a short time, she’d made countless friends, fallen in love, refused a suitor, was refused herself, and stood by a friend as she married. “How,” she pondered, “Could so many events occur in a few short months?” 

Not far away, Sidney Parker was pacing outside the stables. He’d been there all morning. He knew the coach to Willingden would be departing soon and he could not be there. He would not risk all of Sanditon witnessing him break down on Main Street. He did not trust himself. 

That morning when he woke, he told himself to stay in bed. He commanded his disobedient arms not to dress. His boots were fitted and a coat made its way onto his back. But he would not meet her at the coach. He could not. Maybe he would just mount his horse and ride in the opposite direction. Maybe he would ride to the highest ridge he could find and watch her leave, silently begging her to come back. Maybe never again truly meant just one more time. 

Charlotte was in a nearly meditative state watching the coast line speed by. The coach decelerated, she looked out the window and prayed nothing was amiss. Lo and behold a figure dismounted his horse and approached her. It was none other than Sidney fucking Parker. Charlotte felt an all too familiar rage ignite in her belly. She ripped off her bonnet, annoyed at the weight and stepped out of the carriage. 

Charlotte had never yelled like this before, “Why is it, Sidney Parker, that when I am at my most vulnerable, you cannot act like a human being and LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?” 

The man was momentarily stunned but couldn’t help himself. He continued forward till he was able to feel her breath on his. “I had to-” 

“You had to what!?” Everything in her mind told her to get back in the carriage and not entertain this. Everything in her heart instructed her to hold his face and press her lips against his. 

Sidney grasped her hand and pressed it to his chest, “I have often been told to follow my heart and so did.” 

“Is your heart free to be offered?” He shook his head sadly, causing her to throw up her hands, “So this is merely torment for torment’s sake is it?” 

His forehead leaned on hers and he whispered, “You yourself advocate for a proper parting. It hardly felt appropriate to have you leave without one.” 

“There is nothing appropriate about this, sir.” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded, pulling away, “Of course you are right. I just... I hope you do not think too badly of me.” 

Charlotte could not bear it, she side stepped him and laughed sarcastically, “Of course I thought badly of you! How could I not!? You went from despising me to courting me! You kissed me on these very cliffs! You came into my bedroom in the middle of the night and touched me as no one else ever has. You promised me you’d come back from London and have a conversation about marriage! How else should I feel Sidney?” Her hand covered her mouth and she shot a look back at the coachmen. 

He knew her thoughts, “They will be well paid for their time. Please, go on.” 

She sighed, exhausted, “I understand you must do what you believe to be right I truly do. But I am damaged now. What more is there to do?” She stared at him, hopelessly. 

He held out a hand, “Walk with me.” 

She scoffed, “You cannot be serious.” 

He insisted, “A proper parting. You will not be cast aside or shoed out of town. I wish, more than anything, our last conversation not be whispered on a dance floor. One last walk with me. Please.” 

She did not hold his hand but did circle her own around his forearm and wandered down from the road toward the water. The sea was enraged today. Charlotte though she must have influenced the waves, or vice versa. They walked to a peak and gazed out together. The grey waves beat mercilessly onto the rocks, shrouding the beach in a heavy mist. 

Charlotte, feeling thoroughly beaten, laid her head lightly on his arm. Her wild curls slapped at his face and chin, forcing a grin from his grim face. 

“I do not love her, you know.” 

She shook her head against him “You mustn’t say that. You made a vow. You must try to do right by her. You must do the best you can.” 

“‘Never can anything be amiss, when simpleness and duty tender it.’” 

Charlotte glared up at him, “Did you really just quote Shakespeare to me?!” 

Sindey broke out in laughter and wiped his eyes, “Is now a bad time?” They could not be bothered with reality in those precious seconds. He pressed on, “What will you do?” 

She sighed, “I shall go home and make myself useful. I’ll help with the children, read more books and,” She lied, “Move on.” She let the wind whirl around her and the man she loved. Engraving this moment into her memory, cursing his persistence, grateful for the closure. When she was confident in her propriety once again, she turned back toward the carriage, “Sidney, I really must go.” 

He nodded silently and led her back. Before climbing into the carriage, Charlotte gently caressed his jaw line, tears running freely down her cheeks. “You must promise to never come after me again. I am wholly in love with you and I am wholly broken. You must let me go.” 

A tear escaped his eye, falling down his cheek to wet her thumb. “I promise.” He helped her up and kissed her hand one last time, “Goodbye, my darling Miss Heywood.” 

Sidney stood in the drawing room of Trafalgar House heating himself by the fire. He had no understanding of how much time had passed. The brass buttons on his waist coat were surely hot to the touch by now. Mary’s presence in the room did not stir him. He stared glassy eyed into the flames. 

“Dear brother, what is it you need?” 

“Need?” He replied absent-mindedly. “I cannot think what you mean.” 

“You have sacrificed your own freedom, your own happiness, in exchange for our security. If you will not call off this engagement then what do you, Sidney Parker, need me to do for you?” 

A brief smile flitted across his face. The affection he held for his sister-in-law warmed him, “We must all move along now. We’ll find a way to let this- let her go. There is much to be done.” 

Mary squeezed his hand and nodded, “You must never lose hope my dear boy. I have a feeling this will all right itself in the end.” 

He again smiled, unconvinced, “Then you must hold enough hope for the both of us sister. I fear I do not have any to spare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well now that we've hit rock bottom there is no where to go but up!!!


	7. Chapter Seven.

Tom Parker stood, hat in hand, in his office at Trafalgar House. He fumbled with it, nervous as a school boy. Across from him stood his wife, arms crossed. Mary greeted him coldly when he arrived despite his children’s overjoyed response to his being there. They kissed his cheeks and demanded that he come play at once. 

Tom instructed them to give him time alone with their mother and that he would find them the moment he was through. Once in the privacy of his office he removed a parcel from his coat pocket. 

He squeaked out the words, “Mary I am sorry. I know my apologies hold no weight anymore but I do beg your forgiveness. I have been the most selfish, irresponsible husband to ever disgrace the earth. I lied to you and the children and brought shame to our good name. You were right to throw me out. I thank you for the mercy you have shown me, allowing this audience.” He opened his leatherbound parcel and pulled out a stack of bills. “In the time I have been in London I have earned enough to pay the men everything they are owed and then a fortnight more of work. I have also completely paid down the two smallest loans I owed. It is pennies on comparison to the whole but I am working every moment to pay it down.” 

Mary’s eyes filled with tears, “Tom, have you come by this money honestly?” 

“As God as my witness. I would take jobs in every shop in London if need be. I love you Mary Parker and I swear I will do right by you. Sanditon be damned. You say the word and the moment my debt is repaid we will never see this town again.” 

“Tom that is not what I wish. I love it here truly I do. I think we can build something magnificent. But we will not make it there by schemes and underhanded dealings.” 

He nodded emphatically, “May I hold your hand my love?” Mary cautiously nodded and moved to his side, “I have been to Beecham Place every day and spoken to Sidney, begged him to break off the engagement. He has flat out refused. He said that the banks could call my loans due any day now. We do not have time.” 

“Sidney is stubborn as a mule and self-righteous as a saint. Once he believes this is the only option, he has set his mind to it.” 

“Will you allow me an hour with the children?” He practically begged, “I do miss them so. I will be out of your hair and back to London tonight.” 

She nodded but called to him as he left the room, “Please, Tom, stay until the morning. We have all missed you.” 

On a clear, beautiful evening three weeks later found Esther playing cards with her aunt. She had ridden from London to check on Lady Denham. Esther and her new husband spent a fortnight touring Europe but she was glad to be back in the presence of the old lady. For all their faults they grew to enjoy each other’s company. Esther reliably reported on all the gossip of town to which Lady Denham provided a harsh judgement. 

“And of course, you know Sidney Parker is engaged to that witch Campion.” Her voice laced with disgust. 

“Why should he not bet? She’s just young enough to give him an heir, beautiful, and richer than God. He could do far worse.” 

“I have no doubt of that but I have it on good authority he does not care one bit for Mrs. Campion.” 

Lady Denham snorted, “What’s that got to do with the price of eggs? Not everyone lives as charmed a life as you niece. You must remember.” 

Esther laid down her cards in shock, “I beg your pardon! Charmed?” 

The elder lady threw down an ace, unbothered, “I do not believe I stuttered. Must I spell it out to you letter by letter? Very well. You grew up in the lap of luxury. You have never wondered who would feed you or if you’d have new dresses every season, they merely appeared on your door when you wished them. Even with no money to your name have you ever wanted for anything under my care?” She paused waiting for her niece to argue, “I thought not. You had quite a time with that villainous step brother of yours, I will grant you that. Then from on high comes a Lord! A handsome, gentile, wealthy man who showered you with affection as you did nothing but push him away! The patience of a saint that one.” 

Esther had no rebuttal so she rehanded her cards, “I am aware of how fortunate I have been in choice of husband. I have been made well aware I am not worthy of such a man.” 

This time Lady Denham dropped her cards to hold her niece’s hands. There was no shred of sarcasm in her tone, “Esther Denham you must never say that. It is of no consequence what happened in your past. You alone determine your worth, not what this damned society says. At the risk of becoming... emotional, I must confess something. I have felt called upon to apologize to you. I had an inkling that something was amiss in your house between you and that horrid man. I suspected he was mistreating and manipulating you and yet I did nothing. I should have intervened and protected you. For that I ask your forgiveness.” Unsolicited tears ran down the girl’s face and she managed a nod. “In these last few weeks, I’ve found myself quite at peace knowing that you are not only taken care of, but happy.” 

“I am aunt.” 

“Good. You deserve it.” She clapped her hands together and stood up. “You clean up! I am going to bed.” 

The lady of the house moved slowly around the privacy of her bed chambers. She had not revealed to anyone how weak and tired she’d felt as of late. She knew she’d not quite recovered from her ailment months earlier. More milk from her asses was not the remedy she required. 

“Perhaps just a good night’s sleep will set me right.” She pondered. 

A maid’s scream pierced the still morning air the next day. Peacefully and on her own terms, Lady Denham passed away. 

Lady Denham’s service was held two days later. Babington rushed back to Sanditon to support his wife, dragging Sidney along with him. He requested to be dropped off at Trafalgar House to call on his sister-in-law. Mary shared Tom’s good news with him and he even took time to go by the work site and speak with Young Stringer. It seemed everyone was eager and happy to return to work. The burned-out apartments were quite the eyesore. 

Sidney was commanded to take the now vacant spare room instead of lodge at the hotel. The children pulled him into the room and practically unpacked for him. He sat in front of the fireplace, mirroring a scene from months ago. His mind’s eye could see Charlotte lying there, injured but beautiful. The room was dark now without her smile to brighten it. His head felt cloudy. 

He ventured outside after dinner for a swim. Long after sunset he remained on the beach contemplating his life. Was it truly better to have loved and lost than never love at all? Would time heal all wounds? He had no use for cliches. He must get himself together. Move on. Pick himself up by the bootstraps and- 

“Later.” He quieted his racing mind. At this juncture he needed rest. Rest from his role as a fiancé, a brother, a heartbroken man. To just be. 

As hard as he resisted, he could not help but think of his beautiful Miss Heywood. His love, lost. He wondered if she was safe and happy. Did she think of him? Perhaps she had found a new suitor. That would not have surprised him. How could such a woman remain single for long? The thought of another man paying his attentions to her shot a rage into his core, chased by a deep, cold guilt. His jealousy had no rights here. 

When cold threatened to take over his body he trudged back into town. Lady Denham’s burial was in a few hours and duty dictated he be presentable. 

The great lady was finally put to rest concluding a brief, sweet ceremony. Esther knew her aunt never appreciated a long service. “Far too many things to do in a day.” She’d always say. 

Sidney stood by his friends as they thanked guests and traded anecdotes about the recently departed. The less admirable tales were to be told on the carriage ride home. He was so lost in thought he hardly noticed a fine, dark-haired woman approach them. 

Babington bowed low in greeting, “Lady Susan, it’s so wonderful to see you.” 

“Thank you, Lord Babington, Lady Babington for allowing me to come and pay my respects.” Leaving no room for small talk she turned to the man at Babington’s left, “Mr. Sidney Parker, would you do me the honor of taking a turnabout the gardens?” 

He offered Lady Susan his arm and escaped the dark of the house for the pleasant glow of the sun. Out of earshot of the other mourners, she halted their progress and turned to look her partner straight in the eye, “Do you think me stupid, Mr. Parker?” 

Caught so off guard he stumbled, “I beg your pardon?” 

“I had it from a reliable source that you are a man of some intellect but now I am finding that difficult to believe. I shall repeat myself. Do you think I am stupid?” 

Sidney was stunned. He knew he’d just been insulted but the lady’s face still bore a friendly smile, “I fear I do not know you well enough to provide an answer on that score, madam.” 

She raised an eyebrow in good humor, nearly satisfied with his response, “I’m sure you are aware of my connection and affection for a certain young lady who is no longer residing in Sanditon, and her amorous connection with a certain Parker brother.” A curt nod was his only reply, “Good. So, you must imagine my abject horror when I heard from the witch herself that you are engaged to Eliza Campion!” 

“You spoke to Mrs. Campion?” 

“A mutual friend hosted a tea hour at which she was all too glad to tell me of her conquest. How your dolt of an older brother squandered away all his money and you came groveling at her petticoat to save his poor lost soul. That you had loved her from boyhood and that you shall soon be married.” Anger consumed the man’s handsome face. The bolts of his jaw were pronounced as he grit his teeth together to keep from cursing. “I can tell by your countenance this is not exactly accurate? Good. Now! What are we to do about this little problem of yours?” 

“I do not think you are stupid my lady so I should like to be frank with you.” 

“Finally!” She grinned. 

“I do not love Eliza Campion. My heart is fully devoted to Miss Heywood. Were it my choice we would already be married, living in a small house on the cliffs. But duty has dictated otherwise.” 

“Duty? To who, pray tell.” 

“My brother and his family. Many years ago, Tom pulled me from the darkness and saved my life. I owe it to him to do everything I can to help him succeed.” Sidney was glad for the honesty of the conversation. He was sick of the polite façade he’d kept up in London. 

“So, you made a deal with the devil?” 

“I did what I believed to be right.” 

Lady Susan held her head high, “Lucky for you I am somewhat of a guardian angel and have come to save you from yourself.” 

Sidney ran a hand over is distressed face, “I cannot think what you mean.” 

“You have found yourself a new investor. I am willing to pay half of your brother’s debts. What do you think of that?” 

“Your generosity astounds me ma’am, but another £40,000 remains.” 

“That sum is to be handed out from the bank at Lady Denham’s will reading in the coming days.” 

His eyes narrowed, “Forgive me, I did not know you were so closely associated with Lady Denham.” 

“Her and I shared one similarity. We do not wish for our private affairs to be made public. This scheme I have laid out requires two conditions you must keep Mr. Parker. Should you like to hear them?” 

“I am breathless with anticipation.” Her sarcastic nature was rubbing off on him. 

“First, you are to manage every cent that passes through this venture from this moment forward. Your brother Tom will never lay a hand on a Sanditon dollar again.” 

“Done.” 

“Second, you must end your engagement to Eliza Campion.” 

“Lady Susan that’s hardly-” 

“You just admitted you care nothing for the woman. With the money settled you are free to be happy. No man or woman should live in a loveless marriage. Honestly, I’ve avoided many a union for that very reason. You deserve to be wildly in love. Mrs. Campion, the devil that she is, does not deserve to be trapped with a man who loves another woman as you do.” 

“Charlotte will not have me.” He looked down sadly. 

“This is not for her. It is for you, young man.” She gently tipped his chin up with her gloved hand. “You were willing to live a miserable life to make others happy. If that is not a worthy cause I do not know what is. I would not declare defeat just yet. I have a feeling your stories are not yet concluded. Well? What do you say?” 

Sidney completely forgot himself, he grabbed her tightly by the arms and planted a firm kiss on her cheek, “Thank you.”


	8. Chapter Eight.

Charlotte knelt in the garden. The sunflowers had bloomed like never before but were long gone, cut down and sold. She pulled out the roots in preparation for the ground to be tilled and replanted with winter vegetables. Her bare hands harvested the burrowed roots and tossed them into the pile growing beside her. 

Life had gone back to its normal, leisurely pace. Every day was a mirror of the one before. There was always washing to be done, a child’s tears to wipe away, a chore that must be completed. The infinite patchwork fields were beautiful in their own right but Charlotte longed for the beach. She could hear the ocean waves crashing between her ears. Her body swayed gently with the rhythm of the rolling water. 

She pulled back her hand, inhaling sharply. Brushing the dirt from her finger revealed a large thorn anchored in her skin. A dark glove appeared beneath her hands, gently holding them. She could not breathe. Once the soil was cleared away, the thorn was excised and her finger brought up to the owner’s mouth. His face was hidden in the shadow of his large black hat. She could just make out a sharp jaw line and full, pink lips. The man pulled her to her feet and held her tightly to his chest. The smell of salt and tobacco clouded her senses, choking her. 

Charlotte felt the blood leave her head and fell backward. Her head landed, impossibly on a plush, downy pillow. The man’s hat and coat were discarded. His vest and shirt hung open, revealing the rippled muscles of his chest. He didn’t say a word. His chocolate eyes shrouded in lust. He moved silently onto the bed and knelt over her shocked form. At once he was on her. His mouth latched to her neck, sucking and nipping at the soft skin there. She was completely overwhelmed. None of this made sense. Why would he not speak to her? She was finally able to catch his hands, raising them away from her body. A wedding ring glinted in the low light. He pulled away from her grasp and grabbed at her dress. She finally gave in to his touch and pulled his face to meet hers. Their lips collided. 

Charlotte’s eyes shot open, she sat straight up, breathing heavily. He’d plagued her dreams yet again. 

Sanditon blossomed beautifully under the watchful eye of Sindey Parker. He worked closely with James Stringer who made his desired changes to the destroyed apartment buildings. In lieu of the grand luxurious suites they built sensible, fashionable furnishings a middle-class family could afford. The rich had Brighton. Let everyone else have Sanditon. 

The breaking off of an engagement was much less stressful than he had previously imagined. He expected tears at the very least and the throwing of decorative vases at the worst. When it became clear to Mrs. Campion that Sidney neither wanted nor needed her money, thereby removing any form of control over his life, Mrs. Campion immediately revoked her hand in marriage. As he boarded the coach back to Sanditon, Sidney took a deep breath of relief. He was truly free. 

Slowly, bit by bit, Sidney allowed Tom’s input on the details of the town planning. Tom was allowed back in the house when he was not in London working. Everything Tom earned went to paying the men and purchasing supplies. Even though his debts were paid he was determined to never be indebted to anyone again. Until Sanditon began to make a profit, he would be in a shop, working. 

Every bit of advice Tom was able to give, made his heart swell with pride. He was finally doing something right. He was much better as a visionary salesman than an accountant. 

Miss Lambe observed her keeper as a much-changed man. He was kinder and easier to get on with now that he had a purpose. Nearly every day he would be found dropping his coat, rolling up his sleeves to help the men in their work. He didn’t mind the strain. His toned body gained muscle quickly, making the attractive man that much more desirable. 

On just such a day, Georgiana watched him hoist a beam over his head to a man on the second floor. He wiped his dirt-stained forehead with the back of his hand and prepared to lift another. She appeared by his side and offered a handkerchief. “Thank you, Georgiana! How are you today?” 

“May I ask you a question?” 

“Of course, though I’ve never know you to ask permission of me for anything.” 

“What in the hell are you still doing here?” The silly grin was wiped from his face in an instant. “It has been months since you broke the engagement yet here you remain. Have you taken a trip to the country that I had no knowledge of?” 

He sighed, becoming frustrated, “You do not understand. It’s not that simple.” 

“You’re right, I do not understand. I would give everything I have to go back months ago and retrieve my lost love. You have an opportunity. Why are you not on your horse already?” 

“She made me a promise to never chase after her again.” 

“Again?” She was completely taken aback. 

“I chased Charlotte several times. I went after her when she was vulnerable, after I’d injured her beyond repair. I tried to get her to see I was truly in love with her and would remain so forever. I promised I’d propose. When that could not be, I desperately wanted her to understand why I could not. I felt villainous and guilty and in doing so, I broke her heart even more. At our final parting she made me promise not to do so again and I am to keep that one. I’m sorry if you do not understand Georgiana.” 

The young woman could hardly believe what she was hearing. The usually hard-faced man she knew was softened. His eyes were finally kind. She took his hand compassionately, “As much as I wish I did not, I understand, quite fully. I hear you are going back to London soon?” 

“Aye! I have some business to attend to. But never you worry, I shall be back for the Christmas Eve ball.” He kissed her hand and nudged her playfully as an older brother would. “You’ll save a dance for me?” 

“If your brother Arthur does not claim each one, I might save you a few steps.” 

“I’m glad you’ve found a friend in town. Even if he is a long-winded companion. Do try not to give Miss Griffiths an ulcer while I’m away.” 

“I shall make no promises I have no intention to keep.” Sidney’s assistance was required elsewhere so he excused himself. It was no matter. Georgiana had something at Trafalgar House to tend to. 

December found Willingden under a light layer of frost. It also found a chilly Miss Heywood on her way back from the market. She was happy to pick up the fabric her mother ordered along with a new book from the town’s small store. When Charlotte was not doing chores or wrestling children, she could be found reading. It was the only way to quiet the storm still raging in her heart. She had done her level best to move on. Other suitors had not come as Alison said they would. Or perhaps they did and Charlotte did not notice. She had never been in love before and didn’t know how long this painful season would last. 

She did not even notice the carriage pulled up in front of her house. She nearly dropped her basket at the sight of Mary Parker in her family’s sitting room. 

Charlotte rushed into her friend’s arms and cried softly, “What on earth are you doing here?” 

“I thought there was some kind of terrible accident when you did not return my letters. But when I discovered Esther and Georgiana had not heard from you either, I knew something was amiss.” 

Charlotte hung her head shamefully, “I’m so sorry Mary. I just couldn’t bring myself to write.” 

“Come, sit with me a while. Your mother set out tea. How have you been my dear?” 

“I suppose there is nothing to report. I’ve settled back into life here as it was before I visited Sanditon. How is Tom? Has the work resumed on the apartments?” 

“Yes! Slowly but surely, it has taken a turn for the better! As a matter of fact, I have come to take you back to Sanditon! You shall stay for three weeks.” 

“Three weeks!? But that is Christmas! I’m sure mama could not spare me.” 

“When I did not hear back from you, I took the liberty of writing your mother myself. She is quite right in her summation that you could use a change of scenery. I have so much do to before the Christmas Eve ball and of course Esther is throwing her first parties being Lady Babington. We are in desperate need of your help.” 

Charlotte struggled to find the right words to voice her fears, “You know I'd love to visit again but... Christmas... your family-” 

“It will be just Tom and the children for Christmas.” She recited. Mary was confident her white lie would be forgiven should their plan succeed. 

Charlotte packed her small valise and was in the carriage, rolling back to Sanditon within the hour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every comment is more appreciated than you know!


	9. Chapter Nine.

Christmas in Sanditon was without question the merriest time in Charlotte’s life. There was an infinite number of things to attend to. She visited with Esther, Mary, or Georgiana nearly every day. There was always a project to be worked on. They put together baskets of food for the poor, knit stockings for the children to hang over the fireplace, and decorated every square inch of all of their houses. Greenery hung from the rafters and beautiful red winter blooms flourished on the window sills. It was quite like a dream. 

Much to Charlotte’s gratitude, no one breathed a word about Sidney Parker. It was obvious to her the marriage had gone through. 

The rebuilt apartments were lacking only furnishings before guests could move in. There had been improvements made to the ballroom and several tents with firepits adorned the now cold beaches. Perhaps he was on his honeymoon and that’s why he was unable to visit for Christmas. 

Little did she know that Mary had sworn nearly the whole town to secrecy. Miss Heywood was coming back and no one was to mention Mr. Parker on threat of death or even worse, a sharp tongue-lashing from their mother like figure. It was a perfect holiday. Tom was behaving himself. James Stringer was ahead of schedule and under budget on their next project. Even the children behaved themselves! 

Before she knew it, Christmas Eve had arrived. Esther had generously loaned Charlotte a stunning evergreen gown that fit her beautifully. Its delicate long sleeves were made of lace which also encircled every hem, accentuating her able breasts quite provocatively. Charlotte was not sure she could wear something like this, and at Christmas too! But Esther assured here it was the perfect gown and as it was the season of forgiveness, God was sure to overlook this slight transgression. She decided to leave her wild curls down and pin back a few sprigs of winterberry to keep the locks out of her face. 

All eyes turned to her when she entered the ballroom. Miss Charlotte Heywood was back in Sanditon and everyone knew it. She was approached almost instantly by willing and eager dance partners but her first dance was already claimed by James Stringer. On one of their walks a week earlier she had agreed to save the first one for him. It was clear whatever feelings he had for her were quite in the past. They were now able to speak about their lives as friends. He spoke with passion over each rendering and sketch he’d produced. Always careful to leave Sidney’s name out of the conversation. She praised his decision to stay in Sanditon and make it the place he knew it always could be. 

James whisked her away to the adjoining room and began to waltz around the floor. Moments later Sidney dismounted his horse and shook the light snowflakes from his shoulders. Babington met him at the door and shook his hand heartily. 

“I was beginning to fear the snow would deter you from joining us this evening!” 

“A light dusting such as this? Never! I would not risk the wrath of my sister-in-law if I did not attend her first Christmas Eve Ball at Sanditon.” The men escaped their heavy coats and quickly found a drink to warm themselves up. Mary found them and kissed her brother-in-law in greeting. “Mary everything looks beautiful. You have outdone yourself this year.” 

“I fear I cannot take all the credit this year. I had help.” She motioned through the doors to the dancers whirling about. 

Syndey’s eyes caught the vision in the green dress instantly. He could spot those untamable curls in a crowd of thousands. “Mary what have you done?!” The woman smiled shamelessly and soon his young charge joined them. 

“You came!” She cried! “You look pale. Have you told him yet?” 

“Georgiana, I made it quite clear that Charlotte- Miss Heywood wanted nothing to do with me. Why in God’s name would you bring her here?” He felt a drop of sweat run down his spine and his hands grow sweaty. 

“No, I remember our conversation quite well. You said you promised to not chase after her and if I am not mistaken you have kept that promise! We have simply brought the two of you together. What a happy accident!” 

Sidney scowled at her meanly, “You know full well this is not an accident. She quite obviously feels nothing for me or she would have reached out when she learned the engagement was called off.” 

“She does not know.” Mary informed him. 

“She thinks I am married!?” Babington pulled the man back and quieted him, sure that their ruse was up and Miss Heywood heard. She continued dancing and was unaware of what was going on. 

“We thought it was best you told her yourself.” Babington explained. “We have kept her quite in the dark these past three weeks.” 

“Three weeks!?” Sidney was sure he’d died of stress and gone to the afterlife. Some sick joke this was. “I cannot think what you all mean by this.” 

“We are giving you a second chance you buffoon!” Georgiana could not hold back any longer. “You are single. She was miserable in Willingden because she could not forget about you. Everything has finally been sorted. Sanditon is saved. Tom is on a leash and you are free to do whatever your heart desires! What do you want to do Sidney Parker?” 

“I... I... I think I want to dance with her.” 

Babington laughed and clapped him on the shoulder, “I’m afraid you’ll have to wait to do that my friend. She’s got quite the line of partners waiting for her.” 

Sidney finished two glasses of mulled wine waiting for the perfect opportunity to reveal himself to her. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her since he arrived. She was perfection. The way she smiled and spun and laughed took his breath away. He felt as if he was looking at her for the first time. 

At long last he found his opening. She bowed to her partner and begged herself be excused to rest and hydrate. Charlotte chatted happily with Esther who supplied her with a glass of water. 

“You are quite the belle of the ball this evening, aren’t you? I told you that dress would be perfect! I dare say you’ll have a line of suitors around the block at Trafalger House in the morning.” 

Charlotte swatted her friend playfully, “You know that is not why I’m here! Where is your husband by the way? He should hurry and claim you as his partner before he loses you to another! There are many just waiting to ask you.” 

“Let them wait. Perhaps I will dance will everyone but him and make him vastly jealous this evening!” The women giggled at her silliness and traded their water for mulled wine. 

As the band called the next dance Charlotte heard someone clear their throat behind her. When she turned, her heart dropped to her knees. Before her stood Sidney Parker. His dark brown eyes serious and his arm outstretched. “May I have the next dance Miss Heywood?” 

Charlotte had no control over her faculties as she accepted his hand and was led to the dance floor. The ladies lined up opposite the men and bowed. Sidney stepped forward expecting her to match his step and meet face to face in the center of the floor. Instead, Charlotte bowed her head quickly, excusing herself and fleeing the room. He watched her escape through the front door, coatless. 

He cursed under his breath at his foolish actions and allowing himself to be persuaded to do such a thing. The trio who claimed to be his friends surrounded him once more. “I will not be talked in to going after her I made a-” 

“Fuck your promise Sidney!” Everyone stood agape at Georgiana’s outburst. “Charlotte Heywood is out in the snow without a coat wondering why the love of her life just appeared and asked her to dance. Are you really just going to stand here like an ass instead of running after her one more time?” 

He set his jaw and left them cheering his resolve. Sidney pulled on his blazer, grabbed his thick wool coat and sprinted after her. He fully expected to be turned down but it did not matter. He was going to speak to her again and make things right. 

Sidney flew through the door at Trafalger House but the maid told him that no one had returned yet. “Headstrong girl.” He thought to himself. She was not going to make this easy for him. As he ran through buildings and out of town, he finally spotted her trudging through the sand to the beach. The waves quietly lapped onto the sand as if they themselves were eavesdropping on what was occurring on the shore. 

“Miss Heywood, please stop. You’ll freeze out here, please come back to the ball.” He pleaded with her. 

Charlotte did not even look over her shoulder. “I am quite alright alone please leave me be.” 

“I insist!” He pursued her down the beach. 

“And I insist you go back to the ball alone. Better yet find your wife! I’m sure she would never approve of a clandestine meeting such as this. I would appreciate the privacy sir, I have decided I would like to swim.” 

He laughed breathlessly but did not give up, “I would advise against that, you will surely die of cold or worse, encounter a shark.” 

“I’d rather meet a shark than remain in your presence a moment longer.” 

“Be that as it may, I demand that you come back at once.” He knew he had her in that moment. 

“You demand!? Really Mr. Sindey Parker you demand!? Well, I demand that you finally, for once in your damned life LEAVE ME ALONE.” She whirled around, smacking him in the face with her curls, finding herself barricaded in his arms. Charlotte hardly knew what to do. He’d wrapped her shoulders with his large coat, filling her senses with his scent. His nose touched hers for the briefest moment before she violently pushed him away. “Mr. Parker please you are-” 

“Not married.” He cut her off. “I am not married nor am I engaged.” He breathed hard nearly growling out his words. 

“But the work is being done in town. The rebuilding has continued. You must have used her money to make the progress you have.” 

He noted her confusion and tried to clarify, “Your Lady Susan saved me, Charlotte. She invested in Tom and paid off his debt. We’ve been rebuilding. I have been put in charge of everything and have been freed of my engagement. I did not take one penny of Mrs. Campion’s money.” 

“What? Why.. Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“You made me promise not to come after you. After you left and I was free of Mrs. Campion I had no idea if you still cared for me. You said you wanted to move on and I did my utmost to respect that.” 

She scoffed, “So instead of facing me as a man, you would use your family to deceive me into coming here.” 

"You are mistaken, I had no knowledge of my sister in law’s scheme tonight.” His words were curt, almost forceful. He was clearly agitated and as a result he walked past her down the beach. Charlotte had no idea what was real in that moment. How did she come to be on this beach with this man who, for the past few months, she had only seen in her dreams? 

Sidney grabbed hold of his emotions and returned before her. “No one told me you’d be here but I am overjoyed that you are.” His voice was a near whisper, unsure how to go on. She spent minutes staring into is clear, honest eyes. She began to visibly shake. 

“How on earth do you expect me to move on from this? Are you incapable of sitting down and having a rational conversation with me or will it always be grand gestures as I am just out of arms reach?” 

“Are you still out of arms reach Charlotte? Is there someone else?” 

“No, of course there is no one else. I am at a loss for rational thought, much less words.” 

“I understand. I do not know what to say either. May I stand with you? I still would not advise you take a swim at this hour.” For the first time that evening, Charlotte smiled. 

“I have changed my mind on that score. It is too cold to swim. Yes, I'd like you to stay.” Charlotte had so many thoughts buzzing round her head but something he said stood out to her. “Why do you think there would be someone else in my life so soon? After what we did. How I let you touch me and kiss me; you think my heart could be given away to someone else in a matter of months?” 

“I convinced myself there was some other, more worthy man you’d formed an attachment to in order to keep myself from invading your life again.” Sidney swallowed the lump in his throat and pressed on, “I must have ridden halfway to Willingden a dozen times before cursing myself and turning back. I’ve penned more letters than I can count, their destination being my fireplace. I would understand if you’d put me out of your mind and never gave me another thought.” 

“That is not possible.” 

“If you do not care for me anymore and do not wish to see me, I will leave this instant. I know I have formed a shameful habit of chasing you while being unable to offer you my heart. But now, finally, I may offer it as it is. Broken. Held together by you and you alone.” 

The pair stood there under the December moon for an unknown amount of time. Neither of them cared about the time. At a sloth-like pace, Charlotte moved toward him. She was still skeptical that this was not some fever dream her lonely mind had made up. Her eyebrows knit together tightly as she held his now calloused hand between her own. He had been working. She traced each line of his palm, pressed each fingertip with hers. 

Sidney stood still as a board. He had been so rash and assumptive that now it was her turn to be in control. She studied his stoic face. It was nothing like the stranger in her dreams. He was always cold and aggressive. The Sidney that stood before her was soft, gentle. Charlotte tested for a dream once more, “What’s my name?” 

His breath caught in his throat, unsure what she wanted but answered, “Charlotte. Beautiful, dearest Charlotte.” The girl ran her bare fingers over his jaw and touched his lips. She lightly smoothed the deep, worried lines of his forehead causing him to close his eyes under her touch. He was so tall she had to stand on her toes in the sand to run her nails through the curls on the back of his neck. Finally, after minutes of being permitted to hold his face, she pressed her cold lips to his warm ones. Letting her lead his hands to her waist, Sidney held on for dear life. When her tongue loosened his lips and met his, he pulled her flush to his body. Charlotte felt his growing need as she did her own. He did not want to pull away but forced himself to break the kiss and look into her dark eyes once more. The kiss left her in a daze, nearly blurting out her query: 

“What is it that you want from me? Are we to be some bastardized variant of friends? Do you want a friendship? A courtship?” 

He fell to a knee on the wet sand. “Marry me.” Tears flowed freely from Charlotte’s eyes. 

“Marry you?! Were you not engaged to another woman?” 

“If I had proposed that day would you have accepted?” She nodded and unsuccessfully wiped away tears, “My feelings have only grown since that day. If it were possible, I would marry you tomorrow.” 

Charlotte could not speak. She stuttered through a sentence but Sindey continued. 

“I have treated you as no woman deserves to be treated and I beg for your forgiveness from now to the end of time. But beyond that I beg you to accept me. I love you Charlotte. With every thread of my being. I would never be the man I am now kneeling before you had you not changed me. Challenged me to be better. I absolutely, whole-heartedly, desperately love you Charlotte Heywood. Please, marry me.” 

Charlotte’s response was a fall to her knees in front of him. She took his face in her hands and collided with his lips yet again. She felt his tears on her cheeks and murmured into his mouth, “I love you.” He pulled away to watch her say it again, “I love you. I never thought I’d truly be able to tell you to your face that I am completely in love with you.” 

Sidney cried into her neck and held her around her waist. His heart nearly burst listening to her words of affirmation. He touched her face and traced her lips with his thumb. “You have no idea how I’ve missed you.” There they sat. Finally, together. Over and over, they declared their love. 

One short month later Sidney and Charlotte were married. True to his word, he’d scraped up all the support he could and built a small, beautiful home overlooking the ocean. He gave Mr. Stringer complete autonomy over the plans and was delighted with the outcome. It was perfect for him and his new wife. 

Charlotte yawned and raised her arms above her head, she’d been woken by her husband shifting in their bed. It was a bright Sunday morning. She nudged his arm to allow her access to his bare chest. She planted kisses along his ribcage, earning a laugh and playful scold for tickling him so. 

She loved all that she knew about him now. She knew he despised carrots in the stew. She knew that the best remedy for his frequent insomnia was for her to read aloud. He’d wrap his strong arms around her thighs and let her voice lull him to sleep. She knew that if she caught him while he was naked and kissed the dips in his hips he was as good as gone. 

Being a well-read young lady, she knew what went on between a husband and wife but she never imagined it would be so passionate. Sidney set her entire body alight. He would run a fingertip down her spine and send chill bumps through her skin. The way he could devour her with his eyes made her press her thighs together as if that would quench the need for his touch. As a matter of fact, he had looked at her like that just the night before. They had dined with Tom and Mary but that didn’t stop Sidney from sneaking her around the corner to press her against the wall and ravish her there. She’d stopped him before he’d gone too far but by the time they stumbled into their own home his coat, vest, and shirt were discarded and he carried her, legs around his waist, into their bedroom. She smiled at the thought of his face between her legs and poked at her husband to wake him. 

“Sidney, my love, we must get up. The children will be here soon. We promised Tom and Mary we’d take them to church.” 

The man stretched out like a cat and slipped his hands under the covers. “I do not want to go to church Mrs. Parker. I’d much rather lie in bed with you all day. Let’s waste a perfectly good day. I can think of several things we can do to make good use of our time.” His lips were on her neck as he smiled against her skin. 

“As can I but we promised!” She escaped his embrace laughing, but let his eyes run over her naked form as she pulled on his shirt. “Perhaps when we return, we can waste a perfectly good evening?” 

Sindey groaned but rolled to his side to watch his wife ready herself for the day. He had never felt a passion such as this. It consumed his entire being. She was his whole world now. This beautiful, headstrong woman had uprooted his life and sculpted it into a perfect existence. Every morning he woke up to her smile and every evening they fell asleep in each other’s arms. They had spoken briefly of having children but they found themselves quite jealous of each other’s time. Charlotte craved more time alone with Sidney after all they’d been through. Their hectic stories were finally at peace. They were abundantly happy. 

And so, they lived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! 
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading this story! I thought about adding some more filler chapters but it didn't seem organic. Why prolong their pain more than it already was!?   
> Every single comment has been treasured and appreciated!   
> I'll see you on the next story!

**Author's Note:**

> If you've made it this far I'd like to thank you!   
> I have not written in years so this is a little nerve wracking for me!   
> Much love!


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